Ok…Time To Catch Up!

Holy crap!

Things have been a real roller coaster for the past few weeks!

First off…

RIP Rudy!

Our oldest doggy has tragically passed away. He was a very sweet wire-haired Jack Russell. I am not going into the full details of this death, as it was traumatic for the entire family. I will say that he had a good long life and that he is now at rest with his original owner, Michelle (Anthony’s mom). We are sad to see him go to suddenly, but we are happy that he is there to comfort her on the other side.

Now… My girl, Monkey, is sick…

I think it’s Lymes, but I just really do not have a single dollar to my name to go get her checked out.

Just last week I finally was able to register my vehicle here in NC after my WA tabs had expired for over a month… So we are certainly living paycheck to paycheck at this point… and that paycheck is already gone.

She is acting like her normal shy, timid, lonesome self. But she just refuses to eat ANYTHING. Whatever cold cuts or meat I have given her she nibbles at or spits it out when I’m not looking.

She is a very silly old soul. Not many people understand her, or her past. No one can yell or get too excited around her. Let alone ask her gently to do anything more than twice. Like, getting off or ON the bed. She was really abused by her previous family and they never nurtured her sensitive side, so she is really nervous and worried around people. She also is, super self-aware and knows exactly when you are talking about her. She doesn’t like to be rude, so she will take food from you, but won’t eat it. Sometimes she pretends to eat it to seem polite but then spits it out when you aren’t looking.

I’ve taken her out on special trips to the store, I’ve taken her to the river to splash around. She’s not very social with other dogs, and really just is my shadow. So it’s hard to say that anything is bothering her physically. She just seems down. I’ve given her a nice shower and brushing and she looks good, but my girl has lost so much weight.

Trying to touch her legs and body, she has always been nervous but allows it to happen. She’s a certified therapy dog, so its not like she is aggressive, just uncomfortable with a lot of things.

I manage to get some substance into her daily. Not as much as I would like. She’s eating for me, not for herself…

Getting really scared that I’m going to wake up and she’ll be gone. Hard to refrain from worrying too much, because I’m pregnant. But when your fur baby is sick and you can do NOTHING, its hard to do anything else.

I’d max out my cards, if I still had a card to max out. My bank account is -$385, and I think Ant only has about $50 in his account after paying for my car… And he is our only income. He’s stressing out so much.

Steve (Ant’s dad), has been up and down with his mood.

Little work, even less money. He just had a small accident at his current job site and needed to go get stitches.

After losing Rudy, he’s also been a mess- not to mention we lost all the ducks.

These guys are not as used to death and loss as I am I feel. I mean, yes they are because Ant’s lost his mom and grandma and dogs over the years. I’ve lost grand-parents and been there to hold their hands as they took their last breaths. I’ve been around for both passings, when I was very young. I’ve dealt with the loss of many animals over the years. As a child, I would always go out and find hurt animals. Or rescue the baby animals that my cats would catch. Trying to nurse back to health half eaten animals. Loss was common.

Where I am heartbroken over Rudy, I was never able to cry about it. I had to move his body when Steve first found him. It was really recent, so he was still soft. Sorry to be super morbid. Steve was a mess, I had to call Ant out of work. I was really shaken and nervous for Steve. Ant was sad, but, at the same time we knew it was coming. He was old.

As for the ducks… they were ducks. I’m sorry- call me heartless. My family has tons of chickens and ducks. They die all the time. It happens. They are farm animals and the lowest on the chain at that. We do have a coop, but they are loose 24/7 and the chickens have found a way to survive by sleeping in the trees the overhang the house. The ducks could not do that, and would just quack at the base of the trees because they couldn’t follow. Just rang their own dinner bell.

The guys were sad to them all go, one by one. But, I advise them against ducks, and warned them every step of the way about what was going to happen. So, sorry, little sympathy from me on that one.


Amid all the bullshit we’ve been dealing with, there is a sliver of good to all of this.

I am scheduled to be induced labor on August 16th!!!!

A week earlier than expected!!!!!!!

During this most recent doctors appointment, she dropped this bomb on us that we could schedule inducing at all.

Since having the gestational diabetes, they have been looking at my sugars and so far, I’ve been able to avoid medication. Just diet control (yay me!), things have been getting more difficult with the stress and heavy flood of hormones as I creep closer to my due date.

First, I requested her to deliver the baby. As far as I had known, there were 4 doctors that I was seeing and any one of them could be on call when I would go into labor. So, they had me meeting with everyone so that I would be seeing a familiar face at the hospital. But, I really love Dr. Alison Christopher. So I asked her if there was any way I could request her. She just popped with an “Oh! We are going to schedule to induce you today anyways!” WHAT?! I didn’t think that was on my agenda at all. I thought that was really only reserved for c-sections or more at risk things.

So, she was telling me that August 21st I’d go in at 6pm and start the induction overnight and deliver (hopefully) sometime the next day. Then, she mentioned that since they are still unsure that I would need to be put on medication, if I do get put on, then they would need to reschedule me for a week sooner! Anthony and I burst out into nervous laughter. I don’t know if that was appropriate or not, but we did.

So. Instead of risking having to reschedule last minute, we decided that since it was still safe to deliver at that point, that I would just be induced August 16th at 6pm! HOLY SHIT!

I am really glad to have Anthony there with me for that, because that would have been a very scary decision to make all alone. So… 26 more days!!!!

I told my mom and she went crazy. Her and my abuelita both are trying their hardest to convince me last second to opt out of natural birth. Which is only making me more determined to prove them wrong. My mom is very against most of my chosen methods for birthing and raising my baby.

Who knows, she could be right about everything. But, she is just so adiment that everything is gross, terrible, or too painful to even give it any attempt or thought. She is so grossed out by breastfeeding. Horrified even. Really hates my choice of cloth diapering; although she has gotten me some of the better brands to do it. She doesn’t want me to give any attempt into pushing at all, and just go for c-section. She saw my belly and freaked out about my stretch marks.

Look… I am not a girly person. I have scars. Tons of them. Covered. Everywhere. I have facial piercings that she hates too. But my scars at this point, are nothing to me. Its just my skin. And I see these stretch marks as beautiful in their own way. I’m not phased by it really. I’m more annoyed that she is so against, everything I want to do. I can hear her eyes rolling when I tell her about the HypnoBirthing methods and cloth diapering options and breast pumps. Whatever. My baby.

Well, now that I’m caught up some, I think I’m going to pass out! I’ve been so tired.

Sorry for the novel!


I’m still here

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while! Some things have come up that have taken my attention away. I will go into further details soon. Just don’t want people to think I’ve stooped all together.

To keep it semi-simple, Rudy our oldest dog, passed away tragically. My dog Monkey is ill and I can’t afford a vet or treatment. Steve has been hitting some rough patches. Anthony feels his place of business is running into the ground. And we got some good news, I am scheduled to be induced a week early! Can’t wait to meet our baby boy! 

Things have been nuts, my mind is all over. My girl is sick and idk what to do. After Rudy passed away, all I can think of is how I’m going to lose her too. Trying not to over think it. 

Keeping a Diary & WitchCraft

I am doing it!

I am going to get into the groove of keeping a diary or journal.

So far, I’m on day… 1.5… But it’s a start!

I am recording my dreams, which are getting stranger by the day (damn hormones). I am also keeping track of my tarot card spreads. I’ve always meant to do this, and I’ve tried for years, but never really kept up with it… I’m terrible, I know.

Yes, I am a tarot card person. And oracle cards. And I burn herbs and oils for various spiritual deities. Some call it voo-doo. Some call it witchcraft. I’ve just been raised by a mother who was all about astrology/numerology/card readings/meanings of dreams/spirits…etc. It’s just a part of me now.

What’s funny, is that was how Anthony’s mom was too. So we are both very spiritual people; in that sense. Not religious, spiritual. We wear crystals and oils. If I can time things right, we burn things during a full moon. I burn sage and cleanse the house. Simple things. We aren’t the types to do full on latin chants, or have full on circles- mostly because we don’t know that much about it. But it’s always been an interest for us.

What I find even funnier than all of that, is it’s always been like this with him and I. Although, when we were younger, it was like the skeleton in his closet. Like I’ve said before, he was a totally different person when in public or school. We didn’t talk, he was a strange jerk. Around his friends, he was a rap listening, white Nike wearing, baggy clothes styled guy. Typical high school ass hole really… lol sorry babe. But around me, he listened to metal, and wore his converse. We did card readings for each other and talked about spirits and the stars and the energies of the world. Thank god he’s finally found himself and got out of all that. He still listens to rap and still has his white shoes. But, I’ve also taken him to his first REAL metal show, and we skateboard. Like I’ve said before, we are a really good balance for each other.

What I’m trying to also accomplish by keeping a diary/journal, is get Anthony to start writing more. And to read more. He gets discouraged by things he doesn’t know, and gives up on them. In the world of technology, he’s lost ability to write well, and has stunted his vocabulary. His creative juices are not flowing the way they should be. I can tell that he’s kind of willing to give it a go, now that he sees me write at night & in the morning, and reading my books. He gets jealous of the attention it takes off of him lol.

I’ve always enjoyed writing, I’ve gotten really nice awards and certificates for it, so its hard to just let my juices stop flowing.

Right now, I am really a pretty corny book, as you can read all about in a previous post… but I am simultaniously studying for my labor.

Yes. That’s what I’m calling it… studying for it.

I am going to attempt to use a birthing method called HypnoBirthing. But I need to dedicate an entire post and category or page to it.

If you couldn’t tell, I’m a bit of a hippy, and want to try to go as natural as I can. This being said, I have NO IDEA what I’m signing myself up for. My family tells me I am crazy and that birth is terrible, but I don’t care. It’s just giving me more reason to try.

My technique of studying this book is basically reading it, and rewriting it in a power point format. Maybe I’ll send this HUGE power point to my mom and educate her a little bit.

Ok…How Much Longer?!?

Ok, I’ve reached that point!

6 weeks & 6 more days to go!!!

I am officially starting to get really tired of being pregnant.

I’m sorry. I’m weak. For all those mothers out there who have multiple children and those who are further along that I am right now. I am sorry. I get it now. This is sucky.

My heart burn came back. It lasts ALL. DAY. LONG. No matter what I try, nothing seems to help. Drinking water, especially in this NC heat, is just making it worse and makes me feel like I am totally going to throw up. (Water for whatever reason has always triggered a vomit reflex for me, idk why. It’s gotten better over time.) I am nearly out of milk, and antacids only help for maybe an hour. I don’t want to take anymore than I already am.

If anyone has any other remedies for this, let me know! PLEASE!

I’ve always understood the fatigue and general weakness and tiredness. I mean, come on. We are making a little person, that shit takes a lot out of you! I also understand that “its your body’s way of preparing you for the no-sleep that you are going to be going through”. But, lets be real!

Oh, BTW!!!! I have become really irritable again, so I’m sorry for yelling… BUT! I don’t care who you are. I don’t care how much you know. How experienced you are with it by now… telling me “just wait until he arrives, say goodbye to sleep! hahahahaha” is NOT helping me.

First of all!

I am not tired in the sense of I’m not getting sleep (I’m not, so that is probably not helping).

I don’t feel like I’m really sleep deprived (although I probably totally am- again, heartburn. All hours).

I feel like I’ve been drugged! I am so awake! But, I feel like I took Tylenol PM or Nyquil or something like that, that I’m fighting.

I would be ok if it was just the kind of tiredness that you get from taking care of a baby day and night. Or cleaning. Or washing. Or you know, mommy responsibilities. But this is just like I’ve been thrown into a tar pit while fully awake. With a backpack of cinder blocks. And a large anchor keeping me in the middle of the pit. There might also be a treadmill in there, cause I’m moving, just not going anywhere…

I know its totally not the same, but I used to be young (I know I still am, but yeah). I used to have a full time job, be a full time student, then go to metal concerts and take photos as a side gig, THEN go home and edit said photos. THEN, do it all over again. There would be maybe 1-2 hours of sleep per day… maybe a lucid cat-nap on the subway ride between everything. This went on for MONTHS! Also, there was drinking and partying going on. I survived all that!

Like, I’m just sitting around. Well not really. I can’t sit still. I am so tired, and have been for the past few days (hence me not writing in a while) that I can’t really finish anything. But I’ve made some pretty cool shit in the past few days- just to stay productive.

I’ve made Peach Jelly, Fruit Leathers, and Steve (Anthony’s dad, who we live with) and I just finished my Changing Station…Creation(?) Cupboard(?)…Thing(?) pictures will be up of it soon! It’s huge and great! I love how it came out.

I want to practice some more yoga, but anything I want to start working on, I can’t cause of this big huge belly.

I want to start bigger projects with Steve. I’ve designed this huge big bed platform and bookcase thing that I want to make soon. But, I have to do it in really, really small steps. It gets so hot in the shop that I start fading out fast. Plus heartburn and nausea, I don’t last through a lot of it. I hate leaving him with tons of work left to do on it. But, it should be getting started soon. CAN’T WAIT!

Speaking of the belly…

I was trying to get some pictures of it to send to family and friends, and I discovered that I have HUGE stretch marks going on under there!! I nearly screamed! Ok, I did… and cried. I also, sent an angry text to Anthony for not saying anything about them! WHAT THE HELL MAN!?! I could have been applying more creams and oils on that thing had I known!!! Ugh! So mad!


Even typing all this out, I am getting really sleepy. I’d love to nap, but every time I even lay down. I get energy and can’t actually sleep. Ever. And if I do nap. I’ll never sleep tonight.

I am hating this now… Counting down the days!!! I can’t wait for him to be here!!!!!

Reading Again!

It feels so good to have actually gotten into the grove of reading again, and to actually finish a book!!

I just finished Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls by Davis Sedaris. I loved it!

I’ve always admired his work from afar, having known people to read a lot of his books, but never really picking one up for myself. I’m so glad I finally did! So funny!

His writing and humor is right up my alley. His stories are short but detailed and give you such a good feeling of what he was experiencing or trying to get across to his readers.

I just watched his interview with Steven Colbert, about his newest book he published Theft by Finding Diaries 1977-2002. I WANT IT SO BADLY!!

He’s been practicing the art of keeping up with a diary for YEARS and actually publishing some of them! I’ve wanted to do this for some time now. Mostly because I’ve always been “a fly on the wall”, as my mother used to call me ALL THE TIME!! I eavesdropped onto so many conversations. Home, family, strangers; I am always listening. Part of it I think is paranoia, other part curiosity.

I have picked up onto so many strange and interesting snippets of conversations over the years, but never had thought to put them to paper. I really do want to get into this habit. I am totally inspired!

I’ve had a lot of ideas for books.

I have a partly started children’s book that I’ve been trying to finish for over a year now. I keep thinking about picking up that where I’ve left off. It takes place in my dogs mind, as my child. She is a very timid and shy thing, with the deepest soul and sense of purpose and self-awareness; it’s kind of creepy. But, I have been trying to write this book as she has dealt with my divorce and finding of new love and creating a new family. Where she has been dealing or coping with her self-consciousness and finding her strength with the help and support of Molly, Anthony’s dog, who is also in the book with her own dedicated half. Molly is Anthony’s child, and she lives her life with a single daddy who has lost his mother. Molly gained a lot of weight and couldn’t lose it. Now with the merge of the two separate families, Molly has helped Monkey (my girl) come out of her shell, and Monkey helps Molly lose weight. Both helping each other with their individual problems and becoming one family.


What I’ve been finding most difficult, is keeping everything down to child terms and not getting too deep and dark. Divorce and death can get a little hairy I think…

The next book I’ve picked up is so silly!

At least for me; it is VERY outside my type of book.

Anthony and I only watch Netflix. I have lived without TV for so long now, that I’ve come to despise whatever they are showing on there. Ever since Anthony and I started living together, he’s falling into these feelings as well. Thank god!

So much of it is mindless, and mind numbing. The few shows we do watch are all already pre-recorded, so we can skip the even more painful commercials.


Having gone through most of the tolerable Netflix shows, we have found ourselves watching Pretty Little Liars. I know… what the hell???

It started (because of him) mostly out of curiosity and to watch something to laugh at. Teenage girls, and teenage drama?! I find it funny. It is very outside what we are used to. But now, having almost finished the series, it sucked us in and we have to know who this killer is.

It’s such a dumb show, that it really makes you feel a lot smarter than you already are, because these girls can be dumber than bricks. They have 0% peripheral vision. After years of being chased by a killer, they have never thought to change their outfits before entering the woods or going into a dark place. Nor have they thought about bringing some kind of personal protection, like mace. If this was me, the show would have ended season 1. I’d have gotten this person. Alone. I wouldn’t need 3 other dummies to try and lure the killer somewhere, just to lose them.

Again… off track…

Well this show started with a teen book series. I wanted to see what details they have left out and I love reading what started shows (if you really want to show yourself and ruin a “good” show, read Orange is the New Black). So far this book after only 1 chapter in, is VERY different.

I find it crazy how TV will make silly changes to make it even more sexualized than it already is, or tone down how explicit some of the book really is. If you have ever read Game of Thrones (I’ve only gotten through part of the first one…sadly) you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Also, WHAT ARE TEEN GIRLS READING THESE DAYS?! Holy crap! It is SO inappropriate for young girls. I was never like this! Thank God! If I was, my mom would have kicked my ass!!

Well, I feel like this was an interesting rant. I gotta finish these books, so I can start something better, haha.