Ok…Time To Catch Up!

Holy crap!

Things have been a real roller coaster for the past few weeks!

First off…

RIP Rudy!

Our oldest doggy has tragically passed away. He was a very sweet wire-haired Jack Russell. I am not going into the full details of this death, as it was traumatic for the entire family. I will say that he had a good long life and that he is now at rest with his original owner, Michelle (Anthony’s mom). We are sad to see him go to suddenly, but we are happy that he is there to comfort her on the other side.

Now… My girl, Monkey, is sick…

I think it’s Lymes, but I just really do not have a single dollar to my name to go get her checked out.

Just last week I finally was able to register my vehicle here in NC after my WA tabs had expired for over a month… So we are certainly living paycheck to paycheck at this point… and that paycheck is already gone.

She is acting like her normal shy, timid, lonesome self. But she just refuses to eat ANYTHING. Whatever cold cuts or meat I have given her she nibbles at or spits it out when I’m not looking.

She is a very silly old soul. Not many people understand her, or her past. No one can yell or get too excited around her. Let alone ask her gently to do anything more than twice. Like, getting off or ON the bed. She was really abused by her previous family and they never nurtured her sensitive side, so she is really nervous and worried around people. She also is, super self-aware and knows exactly when you are talking about her. She doesn’t like to be rude, so she will take food from you, but won’t eat it. Sometimes she pretends to eat it to seem polite but then spits it out when you aren’t looking.

I’ve taken her out on special trips to the store, I’ve taken her to the river to splash around. She’s not very social with other dogs, and really just is my shadow. So it’s hard to say that anything is bothering her physically. She just seems down. I’ve given her a nice shower and brushing and she looks good, but my girl has lost so much weight.

Trying to touch her legs and body, she has always been nervous but allows it to happen. She’s a certified therapy dog, so its not like she is aggressive, just uncomfortable with a lot of things.

I manage to get some substance into her daily. Not as much as I would like. She’s eating for me, not for herself…

Getting really scared that I’m going to wake up and she’ll be gone. Hard to refrain from worrying too much, because I’m pregnant. But when your fur baby is sick and you can do NOTHING, its hard to do anything else.

I’d max out my cards, if I still had a card to max out. My bank account is -$385, and I think Ant only has about $50 in his account after paying for my car… And he is our only income. He’s stressing out so much.

Steve (Ant’s dad), has been up and down with his mood.

Little work, even less money. He just had a small accident at his current job site and needed to go get stitches.

After losing Rudy, he’s also been a mess- not to mention we lost all the ducks.

These guys are not as used to death and loss as I am I feel. I mean, yes they are because Ant’s lost his mom and grandma and dogs over the years. I’ve lost grand-parents and been there to hold their hands as they took their last breaths. I’ve been around for both passings, when I was very young. I’ve dealt with the loss of many animals over the years. As a child, I would always go out and find hurt animals. Or rescue the baby animals that my cats would catch. Trying to nurse back to health half eaten animals. Loss was common.

Where I am heartbroken over Rudy, I was never able to cry about it. I had to move his body when Steve first found him. It was really recent, so he was still soft. Sorry to be super morbid. Steve was a mess, I had to call Ant out of work. I was really shaken and nervous for Steve. Ant was sad, but, at the same time we knew it was coming. He was old.

As for the ducks… they were ducks. I’m sorry- call me heartless. My family has tons of chickens and ducks. They die all the time. It happens. They are farm animals and the lowest on the chain at that. We do have a coop, but they are loose 24/7 and the chickens have found a way to survive by sleeping in the trees the overhang the house. The ducks could not do that, and would just quack at the base of the trees because they couldn’t follow. Just rang their own dinner bell.

The guys were sad to them all go, one by one. But, I advise them against ducks, and warned them every step of the way about what was going to happen. So, sorry, little sympathy from me on that one.


Amid all the bullshit we’ve been dealing with, there is a sliver of good to all of this.

I am scheduled to be induced labor on August 16th!!!!

A week earlier than expected!!!!!!!

During this most recent doctors appointment, she dropped this bomb on us that we could schedule inducing at all.

Since having the gestational diabetes, they have been looking at my sugars and so far, I’ve been able to avoid medication. Just diet control (yay me!), things have been getting more difficult with the stress and heavy flood of hormones as I creep closer to my due date.

First, I requested her to deliver the baby. As far as I had known, there were 4 doctors that I was seeing and any one of them could be on call when I would go into labor. So, they had me meeting with everyone so that I would be seeing a familiar face at the hospital. But, I really love Dr. Alison Christopher. So I asked her if there was any way I could request her. She just popped with an “Oh! We are going to schedule to induce you today anyways!” WHAT?! I didn’t think that was on my agenda at all. I thought that was really only reserved for c-sections or more at risk things.

So, she was telling me that August 21st I’d go in at 6pm and start the induction overnight and deliver (hopefully) sometime the next day. Then, she mentioned that since they are still unsure that I would need to be put on medication, if I do get put on, then they would need to reschedule me for a week sooner! Anthony and I burst out into nervous laughter. I don’t know if that was appropriate or not, but we did.

So. Instead of risking having to reschedule last minute, we decided that since it was still safe to deliver at that point, that I would just be induced August 16th at 6pm! HOLY SHIT!

I am really glad to have Anthony there with me for that, because that would have been a very scary decision to make all alone. So… 26 more days!!!!

I told my mom and she went crazy. Her and my abuelita both are trying their hardest to convince me last second to opt out of natural birth. Which is only making me more determined to prove them wrong. My mom is very against most of my chosen methods for birthing and raising my baby.

Who knows, she could be right about everything. But, she is just so adiment that everything is gross, terrible, or too painful to even give it any attempt or thought. She is so grossed out by breastfeeding. Horrified even. Really hates my choice of cloth diapering; although she has gotten me some of the better brands to do it. She doesn’t want me to give any attempt into pushing at all, and just go for c-section. She saw my belly and freaked out about my stretch marks.

Look… I am not a girly person. I have scars. Tons of them. Covered. Everywhere. I have facial piercings that she hates too. But my scars at this point, are nothing to me. Its just my skin. And I see these stretch marks as beautiful in their own way. I’m not phased by it really. I’m more annoyed that she is so against, everything I want to do. I can hear her eyes rolling when I tell her about the HypnoBirthing methods and cloth diapering options and breast pumps. Whatever. My baby.

Well, now that I’m caught up some, I think I’m going to pass out! I’ve been so tired.

Sorry for the novel!


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